Selja Sini

popping hearts...

2012-02-14T18:52:00.004+02:00

my heart is full of love for all of YOU.
Seriously, where would i be without all these people supporting, helping and guiding me along?

Answer:
In a ditch, eating a pint of ice cream.

Yesterday I received two cards thanking me for my performance on tv, i was taken a back because being hard on myself i thought it was nowhere near the performance that everyone deserved. I even got flowers. Thank you kind hearted people.
So on this Valentine's/Friendship day I'm feeling like I should promise to give more of my time and efforts towards helping others and bettering lives. Though i have the sniffles and I forget to smile sometimes, i'll work on it since i have such great examples in my life.

I also made delicious chocolate chip cookie cups or should i call them chocolate chip cookie lava cakes.

cookie cup evolution
recipe HERE

Enjoy and spread the love over the world like you would spread nutella on a piece of toast.
-just like these two guys :)

like a lady...

2012-02-14T18:08:00.001+02:00

I visited Korres Store and Spa yesterday, a Greek company. Thanks to my lovely sister-in-law for recommending and contacting them :) Shes like a super manager, taking care of me and getting me all these great sponsors and supporters (i really should be doing these things myself, im feeling like a spoiled lil baby). Unbelievable she is, i'm a lucky girl :)

They gave me a step by step lesson on how to do evening make up. I'm still practicing, because other than the basic eyeliner, foundation and mascara- i dont really dabble in the fancy stuff.

So a few tips and tricks:
- moisturize moisturize moisturize
- scrub once a week
- the base is the most important
- banana eye shadow technique (layer by layer) -which you cant really see in the picture :/

Thank you Korres for teaching me the basics and lending out products and also giving some quality stuff to use. Their products are eco friendly and only use plant based substances. They even have an eco-concious policy - check it out here. Korres will not let you down.
And neither will sister in laws for that matter :D

preparations...

2012-02-11T20:13:00.006+02:00

The next performance for The Voice of Finland is sneaking up slowly, -ladies and gentleman...i am getting to a point where i cannot hold this excitement inside me much longer...its shooting out of my smile and my shaking hands and tapping feet. (no worries- not hinting towards a tap dance number).

I have been working on a project for a couple days now in preparation for the next show.
I made my very own ukulele strap. It's quite thin and its actually a belt that i got for 3 € or less. Stuck a hole in it and attached it to my electric uke. It feels wonderful to stand on two feet and sway around while i play some tunes. Liberating actually. I'm getting use to it- so far i've always sat during gigs.

I'm making another strap out of this ethnic looking fabric belt my dad bought from somewhere in Western Europe. Thrift stores are my main supplier thus far, you can find almost anything you need there for cheap.

It was also a big day for my uke since i let the music shop man drill a hole into the bottom to attach a nub for strap placement. I was so worried it was gonna crack since the air is really dry in Finland and well.. its humid in Hawaii. I was happily surprised, because before the music shop man.. customer service has really not been up to par here... usually they just glare at me and wonder what a lil girl is doing at the big peoples music store.
Step aside, ukulele coming through.

good hair day..

2012-02-09T23:29:00.009+02:00

i had the loveliest day today.

sleep in.

NO work.

leisurely stroll to the kitchen to eat breakfast.
mmm yogurt.
cruisin on the bus with my good pal 'sunshine'.

shop around.

find a bargain ...or two.

smile at strangers.

walking and dancing at the same time.

weird looks.

sing a tune.

eat some potato salad.

finish off with grapes dipped in nutella.
content sigh.

And yes, i do owe it all to my hair. Thank you for reminding me of how much i love uncontrollably messy and curly hair. I feel like me again :)

may i present: the lioness mane
...rawr

earn your stripes...

2012-02-08T02:55:00.004+02:00

I wanna take a moment and talk about Lana Del Ray.
You've probably heard her popular single Born To Die. Incredible vocals she has, and definitely have not heard this kind of music before.

But thats not exactly why i am impressed with her. Recently she performed on Saturday Night Live, which granted..was not one of her best live shows, ...and she was smacked and beaten for it by a very torn public eye. I watched a few interviews and videos of her, just to kinda get an idea...find out my opinion about her.

The way she carried herself, and spoke her mind was different from what we see from the artists today. With the kind of music she is doing, youd expect this vixen who overexerts herself in everyway possible just to come across as a goddess. But in actuality she is shy, a songwriter at heart and admits to her faults or rather the reality of what she is. In one interview she explains that she doesnt really put on a show on stage, shes a writer first and a singer second. 'i just stand there and sing, when im on stage.' (so does celine dion btw).

Theres an interesting paradox that goes along with this though- we tend to like the undiscovered and so called 'original' artists yet when one with an actual unique character and sound makes it big we hike up our pantyhose and grumble (in this case anyway). But i suppose its part of the process, with the good there is bad. You need to earn your stripes in this world before the stakes are lowered.

Not to say im an advocate for her music, but for her honesty. If anything, being honest to yourself might be the anchor that keeps the rest of the world from falling on top of you.

sunday ...

2012-02-06T00:51:00.001+02:00

Frost is slowly covering the windows, and i am cozily wrapped up on my bed swaying to these tunes... boy am i lucky to be surrounded by such amazing melodies.

have a listen and don't be afraid to let those day dreams flutter around :)

Junip

Benjamin Francis Leftwich

(similar artists: bon iver, iron and wine, james vincent mcmorrow)

The Paper Kites

(fleet foxes, the barr brothers, mumford and sons, lord huron)

winter light...

2012-02-04T19:55:00.000+02:00

It's been freezing to the bone cold this past week- alarmingly so. Came out of nowhere and froze up my nose and toes. Along with the ice and wind came the sun... the lovely lovely sun. How i've missed it flickering on my face. In Utah i never had a chance to notice how much affect a lil sunlight can have on someones attitude- but in Finland its rare this time a year so i am practically filling jars with sunlight and hiding it away for all the gloomy rainy days to come.

Along with this newly invigorated attitude i've started to practice my songs a whole lot more. Then i don't have to worry about remembering things and instead can let myself get into the words and hopefully emote the mood to the audience. I have a hunch that thats why my gig went to well this weekend. Theres nothing better when you see someone on stage really going for it, all or nothing style. It almost gives the audience a piece of mind so they dont wobble on the edges of their seats listening to whether youll mess up or somehow fail.

Charging up on winter sunlight, and i can't wait for the next gig.
(hmm..winter light sound like a good song title yes?..)

...behind the blurry lights

2012-02-04T19:20:00.000+02:00

thanks to IVANA HELSINKI
for lending me a killer outfit.

I had a wonderful time at my very first gig in Finland last night.
It was for a fundraising event for a presidential candidate (who i didnt vote for, but of course wish the best for him).

It felt incredible to just be on stage, and from what i could make out from behind the blurry bright lights the audience was enjoying the show with their ears as well.
They even tried to clap along to Peter Pan.

Only thing that left to nag me was my awkward manner of handling the moments between each song. But the main focus should be the songs anyway right?

I also bought my very first official winter jacket from a thrift store- since i had a lil spare time before the gig. It's wonderfully toasty, just like a portable sauna. So now i can look like a poofy marshmallow like the rest of the finns walking around downtown.

pinches...

2012-01-27T02:14:00.000+02:00

I am just knocking down these interviews like nobody's business and ...i cannot tell you how thankful I am for receiving this much attention because of my voice. People haven't even heard my material, songs and such. Incredible...i keep pinching myself everyday, yet I am still in the same situation.

Today I had a live interview for a local radio station in Helsinki. I had fun, maybe i came off a bit too excited but I can't help myself sometimes. I got to play my own song, Songbird.

And thanks to NOA NOA for lending me some of their merchandise from the spring collection, i looked stylish and like a real lady. Check out their clothes, accessories, shoes - so adorable.

look at that bling!
thanks NOA NOA

dress + necklaces from NOA NOA

... more NOA NOA outfits to come. perhaps i can take higher quality pics next time.

freshly baked...

2012-01-24T21:01:00.000+02:00

i've been teetering on a dangerous edge...writing songs, forgetting all else. Thats including basic needs- such as eating, sleeping, socializing- i DID remembered to shower though. Should we call it a creative lockdown?

The result: 3 new songs out of the oven.

One of them is called A Kiss-- hope you like cheese because this one is full of it. I started writing the song thinking of the moment when you see someone you use to date, like, crush on and suddenly you're blushing all over again even though you know the ending to the story if you take that road again.

The next is untitled. I have a love hate relationship with this one because its been especially hard to write. Probably because i've been confused about the main topic. Initially i started writing it because of the stranger i met at the airport- he was so different and curious about the most peculiar things.
Also this video added to the inspiration-

The last one, Corner of My Heart (Sydämeni Nurkkaan), I havent published yet but its about knowing yourself, having everyone else pounding the pavement saying something different. Sort of a comfort song for me, since im fresh out of the oven experiencing the songs topic as we speak.

ps. if you wanna hear the two first songs go to the videos tab or my youtube channel.

your own rock...

2012-01-24T03:06:00.000+02:00

You may have heard of a lil band called ...The Killers.
I recently saw a video of the lead singer, Brandon Flowers, in a 'i am mormon' campaign video and could not for the life of me stop smiling.
It restored my balance on the rock im trying to stay on.
He talked openly about his beliefs, experiences as a an artist in the music industry. The most impressive part was that he was real, sincere and himself.

When i see people doing what they love, being who they are, believing what they believe- it gives me motivation to do the same. Granted its not easy to always take a stance but little by little you'll notice its all you know. After all is said and done- what you know is all thats left.
You could go down the street asking how you should act but truthfully you are the only one who knows the answer to that.
Its kind of a responsibility for me now to keep tabs on myself, keep doing what i love, keep believing what i believe and being who i am.

sunny with a hint of gloom...

2012-01-19T18:19:00.000+02:00

This past week i had two interviews- one for a newspaper called NYT. And another for the eurovision competition. And more scheduled for next week also. I'm pretty astounded, ... at this publicity. Sincerely I didn't expect this kind of exposure but of course its wonderful and helps me with getting to my dream.

But...with all the good...there is always bad, and mistakenly i let myself get swallowed and spat out by the gloomy bunch. It happens right?
The problem is once you find one person who dislikes you, you'd flip the world upside down just so they'd see what everyone else sees. It hit me like a brick wall, and I'm sure thats not the last of the brick walls to come.
So I hope i can get my protective gear together and sweep up my defeated attitude, this train ain't stopping for miles.

I did also discover a wonderful pick me up snack. Just two ingredients.

kiwi + nutella

happiness

owling around...

2012-01-18T02:56:00.000+02:00

The night owling has commenced. Care to join me?
I have tried so so hard to resist the urge to stay up into the wee hours of the night yet here I am like a hypocrite writing to you at 3 am (finland time).

I cannot help myself, the creative wheels start huffing and puffing at this time of night anyways so looks like i've created a lasting habit- so why fight it? (i know, thats a defeated state of mind...ill work on it).

A few inspiring phrases and words that have been floating around in my mind these past weeks...

- i meant to write you
- he would stare into the sun longer than anyone i'd known
- creaking mess
- you crumble when the rain touches your skin
- out in the backyard...

doubtful that any of these make sense as to why they inspire me but for some reason I have an obsession with finding out why these particular phrases have caught my attention. And usually that obsession of finding out leads to the makings of a new song...
Wish me luck!

fieldtrip...

2012-01-15T21:35:00.000+02:00

I took a trip to a recording studio this past week. Felt like home :)

Instruments laying around everywhere, endless possibilities floating around, surrounded by fellow music lovers.

One day... when i buy that house everyone keeps talking of buying when they're all grown up and rich.. I'll hope to have a lil mini studio.

Sadly having a studio in the same room as your bedroom results in night owling for weeks on end, scribbling feverishly and editing little mistakes that no one will even notice in your youtube videos.

I'm working on a few songs, now and then when i'm in the right mood that is...otherwise it'll just turn into a big nonsense fest with me pretending to be artsy with words like windmill and chimney.

I was caught in a perfect scenario a couple days back- sitting on the cozy carpet, peering outside to see the snow falling softly everywhere ...casually jotting down some additional lyrics to unfinished songs. Incredible what a lil nature show can do for your imagination ;)

Take a breather. You might notice something that'll inspire you.

Brooklyn Cafe...

2012-01-08T02:20:00.000+02:00

Remember when i was gonna ask bakeries and cafes about playing gigs? Well that kinda fell to the bottom of my priority list because of the tv show. But i did kind of go on a tour of eating at various cafes, at the same time of course looking at their facilities as potential gig sites ;)

While my friend was visiting we got a chance to go on this tour de cafe.
We went to a total of atleast ten cafes, in norway and finland.
I felt a bit empty inside when i visited a cafe alone though. Not the same without my friend and food critic buddy.

The Brooklyn Cafe, opened just recently. Its owned by two sisters from Brooklyn. Their cafe is full of soul, warmth, and yummy smells- needless to say I fell in love in seconds.
Hopefully i'll get to do a small lil gig there...or perhaps i'll accidentally bring my ukulele and break into song as i order my chili hot chocolate and orange chocolate muffin :D

It was so exciting to see them hustling, getting orders out... I was jealous of their excitement- having this cute lil cafe, stuffed full of people and life. Ah, romance. Then again what horrible hours... 8 am till 8 pm.
If you love what you do...you work hard.

go get yourself some hot cho and a muffin.

you deserve it.

learning game...

2012-01-08T01:47:00.000+02:00

You know all this is very new to me. Not the music part but the fact that people actually give feedback on my music, like it, don't like it. I'm use to just being cooped up in my room, uploading videos, creating songs...for myself.
Now add people who expect things from you to that equation and the results change a bit. Not just a bit...A lot.
I do love that people get that sense of happiness or the feeling that my heart is in my songs... that is exactly what i want people to realize. My heart is in my songs, thats where the lyrics came from. But is it enough? Do you need to take into consideration expectations? Or do you take the road you've been trodding on so far? I feel like the latter would be best.

Just today this adorable little boy asked for my autograph...MINE?..haha why on earth?
I wonder if he wanted it because i was on tv or because he liked my music.

With all that buzz and static- Im curious how you create that bubble where you can float onward writing your same ol tunes, just for yourself. That's where it all started, so i should have the directions to that state of mind engraved in my brain right?

It's a yin|yang thing i suppose- balancing yourself with learning/progressing but also keeping in check who you are.

Perhaps ill just go on a ice cream diet- that should get me right back to my roots if i happen to get confused by the static. :)

ring a ling...

2012-01-03T01:35:00.000+02:00

I woke up this morning to my phone ringing. I answered as if i had been awake for hours already - usually people can tell i just woke up though.
It was a woman who I didn't know one bit. She simply called to ask if i would be able to play a gig at her husbands birthday party. I was so flattered that out of all the possible surprises i would just play a few simple songs and that would be good enough for a birthday present surprise.

I didn't really know what to think of it at first however, but then again why not? After all this is what i want, to share music with everyone, despite the situation, location, time... thats the main goal.
Listen, enjoy, reminisce, sing a long, humm... be in the moment when the melody is taking your mind somewhere wonderfully new and exciting.

Another surprise was the lovely wintery scene outside. Snow has blanketed the ground and covered the trees. I got a good sprinkling of it on my nose and toes while waiting for the bus. I just couldn't stop smiling, hopping around in the crunchy (slightly soppy snow) piles.

In case you want to contact me,..have questions, comments...cool stories to tell me. Feel free to email me :)

seljasini{at}gmail{dot}com

Also... I hope you enjoy this lil tune while you prance around in the snow.. or for those in sunny lands..imagine a wintery snow crunching under your feet.

...whose on the telly?

2012-01-02T01:27:00.001+02:00

So I have kept a secret from you for a while now.
But I've been going to filmings for The Voice of Finland.
Remember way back when I said I auditioned for it? - well i got through as was shown on TV.
Crazy. When I was waiting for the part with me to come on, my heart was pounding almost as hard as when I auditioned for the 4 judges.

May I just ask...who is this girl on tv? Haha i sometimes surprise myself and wonder how i come up with these things i say in interviews and the way i act. I suppose its the entertainment side of things... Maybe like Beyonce (Sasha Fierce) and Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana) I'll have Selja Sini be a separate performing identity. Haha... ill leave the wig out of it though..and probably wont dress in mini skirts like Beyonce.

I'm not sure i could even be anyone else but myself. Just yesterday i had a classic moment of skirt stuck in my stockings and walked around for everyone to see. OH WELL.
Oh and more dorky moments to come on a future episode of The Voice of Finland so stay tuned ;)

In case you missed it, here is the bit of me on The Voice of Finland.
Flash toistinta ei löytynyt.

ps. can you tell im nervous? haha whenever i make no facial expressions and barely smile during the song, thats a sure sign of a near nervous breakdown.

Also..
HAPPY 2012 to all you lovely people.

I hope it was just as sparkly as this picture :D

cozy time of the year...

2011-12-26T02:28:00.000+02:00

lights up, ornaments on every knob, christmas elves running about...

I'm feeling wonderfully cozy in my woolen socks...
Though this year's traditions haven't exactly lined up as normal, why not make a few new ones or changes to the old?

My friend all the way from Utah is spending Christmas with me and my crazy family this year. I only hope we don't scare her away with our loudness and untraditional habits...such as a scary movie about where santa claus actually came from (Rare Exports).
I've been trying to search, and create that feeling of Christmas. You've got your presents, and your traditional foods but it means nothing really without the right attitude or feeling.

This Christmas, I learned a bit more about how to consider others and what you contribute to the over all feeling or mood surrounding you. Everyone plays a key role, everyone is important in maintaining that positive and warm hearted attitude that keeps your toes nice and toasty through the chilly winds of the world banging on your front door.
Also, I believe everyone has a responsibility of maintaining and preserving that mood by reaching out to those with frost bitten fingers and crumpled up faces. Maybe you could even just draw a smiley face on a cookie and give it to them...it could do the trick. Clever AND delicious.
Think of it as creating a wonderful emotionally fulfilling cocoon. Sounds delightful.

I hope you all felt loved and appreciated this Christmas, and also passed that feeling on to someone lucky enough as you. :)

Merry Christmas to everyone.

Hyvää Joulua kaikille!

ps. what's christmas without this classic?
have a listen and sway along.

and another...for good measure :D

lovely morning...

2011-12-13T01:05:00.000+02:00

I suggest you listen to this lil tune while you read :)

I met this man at the airport the other day... he was the nicest stranger i've ever met. He showed me kindness tenfold just because i showed him how to buy a bus pass to downtown Helsinki. He even gave me a cookie from his hometown Vilnius, and chocolate too.. and took a picture of his "first Finnish friend." Do i deserve all this pampering just because of my tiny little act of service?

He didn't care. He gave it all he had. All i knew was, I wanted to be his friend.

We talked about traveling, how he had decided to take off on an adventure and next "perhaps Germany?"...."why not?" he'd say, with a grin on his face.

We rode the same bus. It was endearing to watch him peering out the window at the scenery of Finland, like a kid at a candy store...as if he had never seen swampy fields and trees droopy from the rain.

He would ask me quirky questions, genuine though... he was genuinely curious and wanted to learn.

It made me happy, to know that someone like him trusted me enough to believe my answers and my knowledge. Even though he was older than me.

We arrived in the heart of downtown, walked through the train station outside into the bustling streets. I showed him where a few museums were- still with a grin on his face, and in awe of all the new things he was soaking in with his eyes. He asked me to show the bus station since i was headed that way anyway.

We walked and talked, like old friends would have.

I wondered why i was so lucky to cross paths with him that lovely morning.

What if i had caught an earlier bus?

We reached the bus station, ... standing in the middle of what seemed like chaos, he asked how he could get to Turku from there. Chuckling to myself, i told him that he'd better take a train back at the train station we were just at, no busses will take you there. He shrugged his shoulders, smiled wide... hesitantly standing in front of me waiting for my next move. I opened my arms to initiate a hug, which seemed only natural. Both sad to leave each other we exchanged phrases which seemed only to be disguised as the words "good bye". He said "Maybe i'll see you around,' oddly I replied with an unassuring sound... not being true to my actual feelings.

We hugged again, and neither looking back,

we walked away as the strangers we were a few hours before.

And still, I regret that decision.

I hope you guys all notice the lil unsuspected events in your life and go along for the ride rather than passing it by because it just doesn't fit into what you planned. What I really wanted to do was cancel all my plans that day and be his tour guide for the day because he appreciated me and respected me without knowing a single thing about me. Why didn't i?

One thing i remember thinking... what would other people say? i should be careful of strangers...what if, blah blah. Only to realize now....So WHAT? You have little time...we all do. It goes by fast.

Cherish every bit, cherish every person involved in those minutes.

For all i know, he could of been my prince charming.

I'll spend my days searching from him here on out.

Hoping I'll "bump" into him, perhaps on a day just like this one, and he'll show me there's plenty of things to smile about and I'm just as important as anyone else.

bits and pieces...

2011-12-09T12:20:00.000+02:00

Hello, (have i ever properly greeted you before?)

Much has happened here in the chilly land of Finland. First things first...Happy birthday motherland. I really am proud to be a Finn. (And Happy Birthday to my lil red head niece and best friend Bree.)

I actually attended my old finnish school's concert today, it reminded me of being just a tiny 3rd grader... worried about having those pants, that bag and who was gonna play with me during recess. Those are pretty concerning issues at the age of 8 ;)

I've been busy just doing secretive things which i hope to tell you about as soon as possible- mainly projects related to music.
Besides all that static, I've been spending time with my family. And boy, do i love this group of people... and yes, i'm still talking about my fam. Even though my calves were sore for about a good whole week after helping my brother move...I'd do anything for those guys.

Exciting news! NEWS NEWS! My lovely friend Sarah, is flying (as we speak) on a plane...which is headed my way. I cannot tell you how excited I am.
When someone knows you that well and they're pretty much removed from your every day life... its difficult to feel like yourself. So I'm hoping i can level myself out and skip around spreading holiday cheer with her for the rest of December.

And here's a exclusive lil song to start off the celebration of over eating for two days, gingerbread houses, woolen socks and a dozen relatives squeezed into one cozy room :)

yup...those are christmas lights hung around my neck.

i never found my christmas hat so that was my second option

to make this video more christmasy.

christmas magic...

2011-12-01T01:07:00.000+02:00

Back in August, I had a wonderful lil opportunity to hang around with The Lower Lights in the studio. Well i have some delicious news- they recently released their newest Christmas album 'Come Let Us Adore Him'. It was fun to hear all the harmonies, see all the happiness that went into each song... One of the things I absolutely love about this group is that they are completely spontaneous and work off of each others ideas..until they've rolled this tiny ball of cookie dough into one giant unbeateable and scrumptious masterpiece. Enticing right?

Some of my favorites on the album are:
White Christmas (3 girls representing that female power)
In The Bleak Midwinter (lovely Debra Fotheringham serenading you till you weep)
and
Away In The Manger (you know i can't resist Mindy Gledhill's voice)

I listen to these songs and bam, no snow needed, I'm feeling jolly and full of Christmas spirit.
So if you haven't bought it yet, do yourself a favor and spend a pretty penny on it :)

Purchase HERE.

Mr. Fitz...

2011-11-26T12:49:00.000+02:00

you can guess who I'm talking about already right? Mr. William Fitzsimmons. I was lucky enough to attend his gig in Helsinki last night.. and may i just say- tears were shed. Intimate concerts are the best. I appreciated the fact that he was real with the audience, just himself, cracked a few jokes (more than expected judging by his music anyway).

He shared a story of what each song meant, or what it was about- which i love. Gives something to think about while he serenades you.
I was completely impressed by his finger picking skills, nearly every song was picking...and that can give you a hand cramp pretty fast my friends. So props to you Mr. Fitz.

During the show I couldn't help but think of how everyone can just find a song in them. He use to be a therapist, and songs were just an outlet...and look at the dude now! With his cool beard and bald head touring europe. So anyone with experience in life, I believe has something to say...so why not put in the form of a song?

At the end he came and played in the middle of the crowd, sung a lil tune about harvest ...atleast thats all i could hear. He doesn't exactly belt out his songs, just uses a quiet whispery voice which gets under your skin. I pay attention to it more... Say you compare to Mariah Carey. She has an incredible range and voice- but just the volume and power of it makes me want to close it out of my mind...unlike Mr. Fitz's soft, fragile voice...easy listening folks, easy listening.

Hopefully I don't sound like a creep.

I did think of just going up to him and asking if he'd wanna collaborate sometime. I believe he'd be down with that, since he was just hanging out outside the entrance before the show- which caught me off guard completely. Then again better not trust the gal who came to your concert and drooled onto the stage for the whole show..."suuure..." she claims she can sing. Oh boy.

In any case, perhaps we will meet again Mr. Will Fitz. It was a pleasure.
Here's a lil video...

ps. sorry his head is cut off for most of it...i was distracted, i'm sure you understand ;)

life is a muffin...

2011-11-22T21:44:00.000+02:00

For several weeks now I have attempted to make cookies, cakes and pastries...only to fail miserably due to my lack of knowledge in the climate altering changes in measurements. Looks like I'm on the right track though- learning the hard way as always.

As I stared miserably, with my face glued to the oven, those lil muffins never rose up ...some perhaps and inch but to my disappointment flopped back down as i took them out of the oven. Life is cruel.

I had a taste however, they were delicious. Almost like intentional citrusy mini brownies...or should i say blondies in this case. They looked like crap but tasted so good that i scarfed down another five.
I don't know what it is about baking but whenever something goes wrong it can completely ruin my day... then it's time to say..."hey its ok, its just a muffin"...or a cookie, cake. Maybe what i like even more is when i can start over and keep trying.
Whatever your deflated muffin, or crumbled cookie, or greasy cake is in life... you can always, always start over and make that beautiful batter and hope for the best as you put it in the oven.

...cute lil song to motivate on those stressful days

grrr...

2011-11-17T14:33:00.000+02:00

frus·tra·tion
[fruh-strey-shuhn]
noun
1.
act of frustrating; state of being frustrated: the frustration of the president's efforts.
2.
an instance of being frustrated: to experience a series of frustrations before completing a project.
3.
something that frustrates, as an unresolved problem.
4.
a feeling of dissatisfaction, often accompanied by anxiety ordepression, resulting from unfulfilled needs or unresolved problems.

Once i moved back to Finland, i was reminded of the tiny itsy bitsy apartments people live in. And I've never really learned how to appreciate a room of my own till now...since i dont have one. It's not ideal but at least i have a home for now.

It's frustrating, because i need to create a safe environment for myself whenever i wanna write a song or work on some melody. Then again you think of those people who write on the bus, train, at the park, cafe... a creative process can take many routes.

Pehaps i already mentioned this but the libraries here offer a sweet deal for anyone who wants to record or jam in peace and quiet, suppose i'm lazy and thats why i hardly ever use this beneficial service offered. Time to start.

Just saying. Frustration happens. Most of the time at the most inconvenient time.

wanderings...

2011-11-15T23:45:00.000+02:00

I was downtown today scouting out some bakeries and cafes. Why? I'm hoping to do a mini tour at local cafes and bakeries at the end of this month to boost my votes in the Eurovision competition.
Sadly most didn't have any space for it, but why not move a few tables and make some room? i hope, i hope that the 3 places i have in mind will say yes and be willing to have me play :) Ill keep you updated.

While meandering around downtown i also took a few snap shots...just to give you some feel of the european vibe these days...

and guess what? I'm an aunt again to a beautiful lil girl! My brother and his wife just had a baby a few hours ago. These babies keep popping up faster than i can keep count- there are 3 more on the way in our family circles.

zest and vivaciousness...

2011-11-11T19:21:00.001+02:00

we all need more of those two in our life.

Too many times, you get stuck, you're busy, you're tired, you're mad, you've got issues, you're annoyed, you're sick....

so what? Life shouldn't loose its magic because of your excuses.

Since my vitamin D intake has been slowly diminishing to zero and the gloom of winter has been slowly creating a deeper frown on my face... its time to take control and be zesty, and kick the blues to the curb with vivaciousness.

Love who you see each day.

Notice how much you have.

Sigh from relief that you have a job or an education.

Stretch your mind to see the good in that moment or that very day.

Feast your ears with music. (go surf the world of melodies on spotify.com - its free)

Munch on your favorite treat because ...its Friday. No other reason needed.

And slowly, you'll notice that you're face looks prettier with a smile :)

Happy Friday my lovelies.

ps. i highly recommend watching the newest movie version of Winnie The Pooh - Zooey Deschanel sings a lovely tune or two in it and its incredibly heart warming.

how to not take care of yourself....

2011-11-10T14:52:00.000+02:00

Sickness has creeped back into my life and chained me to the reality of my incapability to take care of myself. I am THE perfect example of what not to do, so I would like to share with you:

Do not sing while sick
Do not go into work while sick
Do not, i repeat, do not go outside and run around in the chilly air while sick
Do not stay up till 4 am
Do not say "Yes" to any plans just because you feel bad saying No - you are not a super hero.
Oh and do not forget to take your vitamins (last time i took mine, perhaps 3 months ago...oops)

Its something I'm trying to learn slowly. It is after all a basic need which should come before all other needs, theres a whole pyramid system for it (food, sleep..then emotional needs and activities after that). Look at me being knowledgeable- that psychology 101 class did pay off after all, glad i went to college.

Maybe I need to come up with a theme song to remind myself to take it easy and rest. Any other ideas?

...indie or not?

2011-11-06T01:39:00.000+02:00

All this talk about me, me, me has been pretty entertaining. With a press release and photo shoot this past week...its all very surreal and I'm just learning as I go along on this ride.

I brainstormed with my brother today, my manager these days, about music videos and other promotional things. And not to spoil anything- I am extremely excited for what the future will bring.

I've had to maintain a close view on what kind of an artist I am these past months. Tugging that way, pulling this way, if you don't make yourself heard at first you'll get molded into something only the public will love but you yourself wont even recognize.
I mean for a few days I was debating what word to use to describe my music, because I was worried the word "indie" didn't have the same meaning in Finland as in the U.S.
Despite all that- I've decided, I am an indie, folk, ukulele pop singer songwriter. Thats specific enough right?

Also, this is where the criticizing and sassy remarks start coming in and you gotta just glue your feet to the ground and say "BRING IT ON!" (surprisingly there has only been one sassy remark..but still, im ready).

I'm amazed so far at how great everyone has been about voting as well. Even some people who arent my friends and family have clicked like which is wonderful! All that time that I was in Utah, there was this curious lil thought that wondered whether my own culture would know how to accept my music... or just in general how they would react to it. Soon enough it'll be clear.

I found this lovely lady while deep in thought about artist individuality,
may i present Lucy Rose:

...makes me jealous of England's music community/scene.

ps. you've probably noticed my indecisiveness regarding my blog layout..thoughts?

miss Finland...

2011-10-31T22:12:00.001+02:00

I wanted to tell you all as soon as I found out... but i couldn't until NOW.

I entered a contest which is searching for the next representative for Finland in Eurovision 2012. In short, Eurovision is a song contest in which all countries send one representative to compete for the best song in Europe (: For more details you can check this out.

I was picked into the top 40 out of 540 entries. What?! Saying that out loud...i still cant believe it.
So... it would be absolutely wonderful to have you all go vote, share the link, advertise the song or just listen to it and hopefully itll make you smile- anything helps.
For those who only speak english the like button is the button that says "tykkää."

This phase of the competition goes on till Christmas. The judges choose the next top 12, and of course those votes weigh into their decision. So that means
I need your vote everyday for the next two months.
Here I'll make it easy and fun-
You could make it a part of your daily email/facebook check routine.
Just like an apple, a mouse click a day keeps the doctor away.

To listen to the song, vote, share - go to this page.

(can't embed it on my blog sadly)

What you guys think of the new layout btw? I've been trying to be all professional and make all my websites somehow cohesive.

sound...

2011-10-26T03:16:00.000+03:00

I've been daydreaming about a roomful of different instruments and me sitting in the middle of it, getting to try different sounds,..finding the perfect one for my songs. Is that too much to ask? A roomful of every instrument possible? ... didn't think so.

I feel like i could create some amazing sounds if i just had the chance to experiment by myself...and had access to this room. But whats a girl to do when daydreams burst like bubbles because reality sets in?

I just have this unexplainable hunger for a specific sound...and its killing me that this sound can't be produced on the ukulele. Its quite exasperating.

Seems like the ukulele has been a major influence on my music as well, i mean its hard to play any sad tune on it.. its meant for happy songs, happy times, happy people. So I wonder, do i need to find myself another instrument to inspire some kinda different perspective?
Interesting conundrum...

. . .

2011-10-23T11:03:00.000+03:00

I'm sure I've mentioned this dilemma before but why is it that making decisions regarding yourself is one of the hardest tasks?

I'm facing a couple big decisions which could potentially alter my course of life, times like those I wanna throw the ball to someone else- "you make the choice! good luck." and run away.
At other times I wish I just knew what Heavenly Father wanted, or whats best for me in his opinion.
But these are all just ifs, buts, and maybes... the procrastination words that lead nowhere.
Its time for yes, no, definitely and absolutely not.

I gotta say I do miss Utah, its my 2nd home and theres no way i couldn't go back again to visit or live.
I miss my little nieces, my friends... life's more simple over there than in Finland believe it or not.
And yes I even do miss the singles scene, as pathetic as i always thought it was.
But you always want what you don't have, this seems pretty true on everyones part.
Just need to learn to appreciate the things you have now and make it your own.

If I were to go back now it wouldn't be the same as I remember it, because things change constantly...people leave, move.. and you always attach the best memories to a place you miss. So thanks Utah for these memories, I'll forever cherish them, and hopefully make some new memories there soon.

the cutest little button ain't she?

grounded...

2011-10-18T23:55:00.000+03:00

A few days back...
i lit up incents on my balcony, walked about between the trees and windy paths, fiddled with my ukulele, ...i haven't let natural inspiration come in a while due to some pressures. It reminded me of why i love making music, its a release.. no judgement from anyone, its just you and your feelings floating around.

I'm trying to figure out a way to stay grounded...with all this hassle around me. So naturally I look up to these wonderful ladies.

Agnes Obel (my brother introduced me to her music, thanks bro ;)

Imogen Heap

Two strong individual artists. Absolutely incredible how they just immerse themselves in music because they love it so much...its all they think and do which sounds like happiness to me.

Check out Imogen Heap's new collaboration which you can download for free here. (you have to enter your email address and theyll send you a link). The actual music video starts at about 34.04 but i recommend watching the whole thing.

and one of my favorites by Agnes. (listen to "Close Watch" also)

plans beyond...

2011-10-13T01:00:00.000+03:00

options...i have a love/hate relationship with them.
I love that i have so many yet i hate how hard it is to choose and decide on one option.

I've been contemplating and it seems that my options (all within or after a year) now are as follows:

*I stay in Finland and try create a network of musical geniuses while juggling potential record deals and sending demos to companies
*I move to England and try my luck at open mics at cafes and lil book shops (i assume there are tons because all the movies say so)...maybe even enroll in a music school there.
*I move back to Utah, begin studies at BYU meanwhile tearing up nearby venues and recording my CD
*I move to Sweden and try my luck by charming the music producers to view me as the answer to their prayers

...interesting, all the options include the word move. Guess Ive been a bit homesick from my old routine, singing with The Lower Lights, singing with my jam group, jamming around here and there...all happy in one big bubble called Utah.
I feel like theres some adventure, or some things i still need to learn though. This is the business, reality check part of my journey. The easy way out would be to move back to Utah and go back to school and back to the network ive created there.

Only time will tell...

was thinking i'd do a cover of this song sometime this week ;)

magical times...

2011-10-08T01:52:00.000+03:00

not so long ago...i enjoyed walking barefoot in a lil babbling brook in my backyard, with a scarf on my head as if pretending i had hair all the way down to my feet. Pocahontas was my favorite of all, so brave, wild child...so i'd run around in the woods next to our house pretending the trees talked and birds followed me wherever i went. Magical times right?

I watched Tangled again today, adorable...i love that movie. Also Beauty and the Beast makes me sob like a kid who just dropped her ice cream cone.
Why are these movies so wonderful and why can't we all once in a while view life like that?
I think i will, you all can join me of course... (:

Whether it be
believing in happy endings
good always conquering evil
your very own prince whisking you away
...it all could happen, if you open your mind to it (:

...cup of tea

2011-10-05T00:54:00.000+03:00

just me and my cup of tea... i've got the sniffles once again.
Usually i get excited when im sick because i can sing lower than usual but this time around its just getting to me...literally stuffing up my brain capacity so i can't think clearly.

I did however re-start a christmas song... i found it while looking through my old, "unpublished" stuff. Hiding amongst all my creative journal videos- I keep one since i dont understand enough about musical theory to write notes...I'm no Mozart (in that sense).

So let's see, i've promised you 3 songs already.

And I'm curious, if i were to record a demo, which song out of these four would you like to hear an improved/mastered version of (more instruments, backups...the works)? Or actually...which one is your favorite?

Silence Breaks
Back Home
Puun Alla (Under The Tree)
Songbird

...if you don't feel like commenting please just vote on the poll (:
Thank you kindly.

..twiddly bits

2011-10-02T11:50:00.000+03:00

I've been racking my brain for song ideas the past week...let me tell you, you can't force it.
However, i found a few pictures that sparked up some creative flow.

I just think its an adorable idea for someone to take off in a lil car with suitcases piled up sky high on top. Inspired my song Pack Up, still under construction.

Another idea, ..i've been wanting to write a song with a line about a tree in the backyard, something to do with seasons changing as well...this one doesn't have a name yet but i've started twiddling with it a bit.
...perhaps comparable to this song below.

ps. short version of the 6 minute song

...make sure you leave time to day dream today (:

the snow white experience...

2011-09-28T17:31:00.000+03:00

Went on a lil trip with my brother today to an island close by called Seurasaari. My my...a workout indeed, with its rolling hills and bumpy gravel roads- but definitely fun.

We walked around the whole island, it was a bit chilly but we found a nice lil spot where we had an opportunity to observe nature. At one point we both felt like we were in that scene of Snow White, birds and squirrels came to greet us and curiously peeked out of their hiding spots. One of the squirrels almost jumped onto my brothers table but instead scurried away under a pine tree's branch.

Perhaps they just wanted some snacks from us, since people feed them
.... but i prefer the Snow White experience.

At spots like that, where nature is almost untouched...its impossible not to fall into deep thoughts and forgotten memories which get buried in our busy techno lives. appreciate nature.

A few polaroids from the trip :)

squirrel!

shrooms

old telephone booth

look at that smile

notes on a bus...

2011-09-23T01:22:00.000+03:00

Every now and then while I'm on the bus I realize "hey...im in Finland..." and immediately smile at that fact. I've been spending this month just falling in love with the culture again, and realizing this country is a big part of who I am (despite the fact that i lived in the U.S. for nearly half my life.)

Little things, the way people interact...stern and poker faces all around.
How different church lessons sound...
Chilly weather...with a few hours of sun peeking through
Street style contrast...most people in dark, black clothes with a few unusual cases of yellows, reds and bright greens... (my flower boots included)
Some foods costing way less than in the U.S. (like goat cheese!)

I feel like I have so much catching up to do... But then again whats the hurry?
This is me enjoying life :)

Check out this snazzy shirt

...don't pretend you haven't gone to a store and tried on their ridiculous clothes

just because its ridiculous ;)

sample time...

2011-09-17T23:43:00.000+03:00

Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music by Selja Sini
this one i added snaps to..
Hills Are Alive With The Sound of Music by Selja Sini

I thought I'd give a lil sampling of this cover (requested by my lovely friend Riikka). I wanna do a music video to it maybe...we'll see. It's a bit difficult when you only have two hands and are the one who needs to be in the video. If you're willing to come to Finland, I'd love to have any of you as my assistant... you'd have to pay for the ticket here though :/
I've been slacking off a bit on my coversong project, somehow quite a few requests piled up which is amazing. Last time I tried asking for some, maybe two people responded.
So thanks if any of you requested covers, i have so much fun doing them.

Go on, go sing and dance in the hills nearest to you ;) a lil fresh air will do you good.
Oh and make sure you wear this

ps. please comment if you think the cover needs

more instruments in it, or other suggestions :)

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

where's the exit?...

2011-09-17T00:23:00.000+03:00

I've been feeling gunked up and a bit off all day for reasons I can't decipher.
I don't know about you guys but it's just unexplainable...just feels like something is wrong...and unbalanced in your life. You've forgotten something important and can't quite grasp it.

Perhaps its because I'm craving for something good (aka spiritual)...there's so much evil surrounding us... I'm having a hard time feeling the good if not seeing it.

Or maybe I am overall trying to create a change in me... People tell me I'm hard on myself, uptight, I'm glad I am...it helps me keep myself afloat and up to the standards which seem to be vague sometimes.

Usually my cure, or answer in these sticky situations has been to go out and serve someone, stop focusing so much on me and pay attention to those who look lonely, down trodden, beat, or even the ones who seem happy yet struggle to uphold the fake act.

So go out, make someone happy, make someone smile today (:

let loose...

2011-09-12T22:24:00.000+03:00

YES! I secretly am a techno lover, when i hear it...i just cannot help but dance dance dance.
Besides this tune is PERFECT for dancing off those pastries I've been eating for the past two weeks. Time to get back into normal eating habits.
Let go people, its ok. Dance for yourself, no one else ;)

unplugged...

2011-09-09T13:05:00.000+03:00

...i had a lovely sampling of creativity today. i teamed up with a fellow musician and started a lil musical journey to write a song about him leaving and me coming back home. I can tell you now, this one's gonna be good.
Collaborations are always hard...and can be pretty awkward honestly. I try be careful about not stepping on peoples toes, but still having a voice in the song. Then there's always that dreaded pause but its ok because it just means you're both thinking real hard about what words to put down.

I had a few (two) musical groups in Utah, my favorite was a Sunday night jam session with just a group of musically amazing friends. I feel like there's a movement about these days, to bring back acoustic, real, no techno fuss music...just natural and pure... the way i like it. Sometimes you can't even capture those jamalicious moments because they're just ment to be enjoyed then and there. It's hard to capture that on a CD.

Some of these artists do it no doubt just to show they're talented even without the fancy techno and computer tweaks.

Here's a few movement related projects:

(click these!)

Subway Sessions

In The Open

Secret Sound Shop

In any case, it expands your horizons to see someone else's creative process. :)

And now off to explore more of downtown Helsinki.

loose yourself...

2011-09-08T17:27:00.000+03:00

lil' sidewalk by where i live

not all who wander are lost...well this lil' duckling IS lost.
I've been severely shocked back into my own culture that i supposedly was brought up in. (it could be a lie)

So naturally I turned to food and shopping to soothe my anxiety.
Let me just tell you, i am in FOOD hEaVeN... if there's a place for all those moldy peaches and milk past its expiration date- they've been resurrected and sent here to the land of Finns.

feast your eyes... i am attempting to make a collage
of all the things i eat while I'm here...or just the
stuff that tastes amazing;)

From pastries to amazing sausage... I think i've gained my enjoyment of food back full force. And my food baby is proof of that. Maybe i should do one of those weekly photoshoots pregnant ladies do to see how this food baby of mine grows. I'm not hiding it, I am proud.

Another evident occurrence. Everytime I walk into a clothing store here, I have the impulse to buy every single thing...its so irrational but i can barely help myself so i end up just walking out of stores with glazed eyes. Thank goodness my card was frozen for a week or so and not till today I released the beast inside me and bought a few necessities (notice i said necessities not wants). And to answer your question, yes I will be going shopping tomorrow as well.

this ring validates my existence... (oh geez)

I had kind of an interesting thought while on the bus today... I have this need to validate who I am by finding material things to correspond with that person... Its a new environment (I haven't been back in Finland for 8 years) so I'm desperately looking for some familiarity and trying to find my place in this environment. It's pretty confusing honestly but I feel like I've gained some perspective and learning as I stumble along...

A few pictures I've managed to snap of my lovely country:

downtown helsinki

bikes everywhere...we are bicycle loving people :)

...atleast i have my rainboots

2011-09-02T22:42:00.000+03:00

bye bye SLC

I set out on my journey back to Finland at 8 am, a bumpy ride to Chicago (the land of horrible security checks and no food beyond the security gates). I was feeling pretty gloomy and soppy the whole way there.
In Chicago I started writing an airport song, which was not finished because of my broken webcam (otherwise I'd have a glorious preview for you).
On the flight over from Chicago to Stockholm, I was feeling a lot more cheery and excited. I even made a few friends. I was the lucky one to sit in the middle of the plane in the middle of the 3 seats.. wasn't that bad. I just couldn't lean either way to sleep since I'd accidentally drool on my new friend or end up sleeping in their lap.

ridiculously heavy backpack with
my rainboots attached to it...

One of my new friends was a serious world traveler, he had had atleast 20 different jobs...writer, journalist, reporter, peace corpse volunteer etc and had traveled all over. He was on his way to Edinburgh Scotland to do a masters in writing.
The girl left to me was also a world traveler of sorts, she had traveled to Ethiopia, around europe and such with religious programs and missionary type adventures. She was also a writer of sorts and a musician as well. She was on her way to Germany to continue her religious program...or rather start one up there.

We all talked about all sorts of topics, from cultures to politics. It was interesting to see their point of view on so many things, I even spoke about Mormons to the guy on my right. I was glad to hear that he had nothing but good things to say about the LDS religion and the people.

bye bye Sweden...

Once I got to Stockholm, my plane ended up landing 15 minutes late so I ended up having a total of 3 minutes to get to my next flight over to Helsinki. So naturally I missed it, security and the foggy state of my brain made my chances of making the flight few. Thank you Sweden for giving me another reason to dislike your country, you never disappoint. Luckily there was one 30 minutes right after.
The girl who sat next to me on the flight came to my gate to see if i made it, her flight didnt leave till later. She even offered to let me use her phone to let my brother know that I was late. I'm glad there are kind people still left around the world, even though at unsuspected places.

I made it to Finland, at last! It's been too long. I can already smell the rye bread and pastries...delightful. However, the season is already turning to fall here, with chilly winds and rainfall every other day... a bit of a shock to my Utah wardrobe but I think ill adjust just fine...i mean when has shopping ever proven to be a difficulty? Atleast I have my rainboots.
H&M here i come.

...all kinds of tired

2011-08-16T18:38:00.000+03:00

I admit it, ...I'm no super woman. For the past week I've been packing, repacking, cleaning, throwing things out- i'm exhausted. BURNT out. It amazes me how much stuff has gathered up into my tiny lil' room and my mission impossible is to fit it all into 3 suitcases. (i might be able to squeeze it into just 2...yay!)
Interesting concept. If you only had 2-3 suitcases to take with you for a year- what would those suitcases have in them? Favorite clothes, books, music, electronics...or would you only take a carry on backpack?

I find myself just ready for a new adventure, I'm leaving all books and such, taking half of my clothes and items essential to my budding musical career (which is moving at a snail's pace- I'm aware). I truly wish I could fit people into my suitcase...that's all I would really need to be honest. As well as Laku, my black cat.

time has run out...i'm trying desperately to make each minute count.

a few new notes...

2011-08-12T09:16:00.000+03:00

I started working on a song today. It's basically about being young and naive- not listening to others who obviously know better. I think everyone's been that way at one point, its hard to realize it in the moment though... not so easy to step out of yourself and look at your behavior and actions. The thing is, i know I have a lot to learn. I am just tired of hearing people tell me that when I haven't had a chance yet to seriously go out and learn a things or two. Plants need room to grow, root themselves- just like people.

Another song I've been nesting and harboring in my vault of lyrical ideas is about this whole crazy moving process. About how some things seem more beautiful when you realize you're leaving. Folding up, hiding away memories that don't fit into your suitcase. Appreciating your life in that one place a bit more because you don't have the luxury of taking it for granted anymore.

The last one...i stopped working on...because it seemed dumb and predictable. It's about time running out and a relationship which was doomed from the start without knowing it. So i'm still debating whether to release that to the public eye... it might just have to be one of those songs that stay tucked away between the pages of my journal.

I'll be doing a music video as well before i take off for Finland. It should be fun and a total breeze with the help of one of my lovely friends whose a film student. If you guys have had any cool ideas while listening to one of these 3 songs- [Peter Pan, Songbird, Back Home], let me know.
I'd love to hear them :)

...summery times

2011-08-04T11:17:00.000+03:00

This is what summers all about (even though the song is actually about winter....ignore that lil fact).

up to date (not)...

2011-08-04T05:24:00.000+03:00

...in case you haven't noticed, my plans to record a CD have been seriously delayed. NO fear though, I am well on my way getting the t-shirt and album art done by the end of this week (with the help of the lovely Annika). Then its just a matter of getting the order in. I am also gonna record and finalize atleast 3 of my songs before I leave for Finland:

Peter Pan
Songbird
Back Home
...HOORAY!
I'm gonna have to record the rest of the album there. It'll be an adventure find connections and build a music network there since I kinda have one established here...but if its possible here, why not there :)

So stay tuned- I will keep you all up to date as much as possible through this crazy process.

i thought this was a perfect ending to this blog post.
hope it made you smile as well :)

reminder...

2011-07-31T08:25:00.000+03:00

After recording a few songs for the upcoming album (finally, right?). I opened today for the amazing Debra Fotheringham at the Homestead Resort near Heber. It was a lovely show, amongst the trees and cute lil' valleys.
Playing shows always reminds me of how much i love interacting with the audience, sharing a piece of my mind with them and taking everyone on a journey through the songs as i explain where they came from or how they were born.
It's such an amazing feeling when someone understands what you felt when you wrote the song, it validates you and what you've been through in a sense.

Anyway, this show especially made me wonder why I haven't fully committed myself to being an artist. So far its been great to just have it as a side thing but as much as i try convincing myself- music is really the only thing that I wanna pursue in life (and baking of course). It's like pretending to be lactose intolerant and drinking regular milk because i dont really know what lactose intolerant means ( i do, just a silly example.) Funny how we try talking ourselves out of some truths that are undeniable to outsiders. Maybe because it really is a career that has been made this unreachable, "if you get lucky" sorta ordeal.

I'm slowly realizing that I'm only as good as I believe and have been holding myself back in a sense.
Not anymore. Time to start exploring options ;)

Don't be scared of your dreams, they'll take you far if you only let them.

all thoughts prohibited...

2011-07-20T11:41:00.000+03:00

I'm not sure if other singer/songwriters have this problem... but I've been having issues with pre-editing my thoughts and words before getting them on paper. It's treacherously damaging to anyone trying to be creative because part of any creative process is the mistakes and bad ideas which eventually have the potential of turning into that one brilliant idea that takes it to the next level... (we'll call it The Level of Exuberance)

I've been holding back a ton of my songs that I've written because I feel a tiny tiny bit of pressure to deliver something good and even better than my previous songs. It's pretty frustrating. At the same time you gotta have some bad songs to be able to find that one good song you had in you...its just hiding under all the nonsense and crappiness. I guess in a simpler context, its a way to detox your mind so you can write and express clear concepts.

I usually try and channel a certain side of me when i write, there are two very different writing styles- one is just plain cute and cheesy, the other is ridiculously poetic and complex..haven't figured out how to mix the two yet though.

And there's no recipe because I'm gonna start posting all of them on a different blog {this one} because a) its easier and b) people have requested that the above would happen asap.

As you wish. (what movie?!)

raindrops and teardrops...

2011-07-12T21:28:00.000+03:00

I sat outside for a while yesterday with my ukulele in my lap...
strumming out some tunes while letting the lovely raindrops trickle down my feet for inspiration. I recalled writing Songbird outside, and since it worked last time why not this time too? And it did, i jotted down a lil tune with a few words to go along with it. (stay tuned)

Since I've been a bit sad, i have two sad songs coming your way... i just need to get it out and i promise ill start writing happy ones after this cold spell.

I've also been baking some scrumptious treats lately and here is my absolute favorite out of them all...

CHOCOLATE CRACKLE CAKE

(no flour cake)

1 c good quality 70% chocolate (i use giuradelli chocolate chips)
1 c butter softened (2 sticks...or 1 1/2)
1 c sugar
4 eggs

the drill:
melt chocolate in double boiler. whisk in butter once the chocolates nice and smooth. in a separate bowl whisk half of the sugar and egg yolks- till thick, pale and ribbony. in another bowl mix egg whites till foamy and add rest of sugar- mix till it becomes a white, glossy meringue.
mix together chocolate and egg yolk slowly. then fold in the egg whites meringue mix.
bake in spring form pan at 375 for 50 mins. let cool till top crackles and sides pull away from pan sides...run a knife around it so make sure it doesnt stick.
serve warm with cold whipped cream with some chopped mint or just as a garnish :)

deflated...

2011-07-08T10:53:00.000+03:00

i declare this blog the most furious rollercoaster ride of emotions you've ever experienced in your life. Guaranteed.

I usually try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. Rejection, tears, angst, shock, aaah!, numbness ...emotionally deflated like a grose balloon that the 5 yr old kid has been playing with for the past two hours. To be vaguely specific: I fell off my throne of "i can make myself happy" and realized that so can others and dang those few individuals who make you feel extra special and leave you hanging and you have to pretend like you don't care at all. Why do you do this? ... I suppose general oblivion is the answer.

So in my dark bubble of misery i started looking at some quotes on Pinterest and stumbled across this...

...Yeah girl, except...from what i remember her

fairytale ending wasn't the happiest

so...

on the brighter side this one-
which is currently my screensaver. You know I'm a strong advocate of just screaming it all out, as long as you have a way back to ground level with a smile.
So here i go...hoping that monkey that catches me is a strong one...

Just... for me.

2011-06-25T05:50:00.000+03:00

I've been in a grumpy spell for the past months...not even noticing with this much time on my hands. I finally figured out why. I don't do enough things for myself, its most often for someone else. Not to say that I'm disgustingly unselfish but it seems to have an affect on my mood and attitude.
I tend to have HIGH expectations for others to do things for me, however forget that most fall short and I need to be the one to patch that unmet need. Instead I put salt into it and glare at the world while I pretend to be happy or content.

Today...
...I baked a huge dish of Oatmeal Cookie Cheesecake JUST for me..(i guess my mom can have some too)
...I dressed up in a yellow dress just for me
...smelled good just for me :)
...made some soup just for me
...sung out loud just for the sake of marveling at my own voice
...sat outside just to think about life in general
...got a movie for myself to enjoy alone
...and to top the night off splurged on some delicious and well deserved ice cream...(Haagendazs in case you were wondering)

I was much more happier, and ready to deal with other people (mainly my sweet lil niece). It made a difference because I took time to let some steam out, ...time to comfort and nurture myself. Then I was ready to be fully present and available to meet others expectations...give more of myself to others.
It's so easy for me to get stuck in a pattern of just doing this and that because others are expecting me to do it for them- i forget internal expectations for myself. And sometimes we expect more from others because we'd be willing to do that much for them.

Let this be a lesson to me to always, always, always take time for myself everyday. Do something purely just for me, because no one else can possibly meet my high expectations and better satisfy my needs.
Admit it, you need to show some love to yourself from time to time.

half baked gooey mess...

2011-06-12T01:29:00.000+03:00

I'm juggling about six new songs... and it is driving me crazy that none of them are close to being done- its a half baked gooey mess currently. Usually I get one written within 2-3 days if I feel "inspired" enough but this...is just brutal. Not to mention that probably half of them won't even make it online because they don't make sense or just...are crappy. But a few of them could be potential winners :) .....yay!

Suprisingly I'm already starting to think about songs that should go on my next album- meaning: ill just post some youtube videos of them. Yeah...I'm getting ahead of myself (since my first isn't even out yet) but I'm just ready to move on from all the songs that I've written so far. Aren't you? After a while they all start sounding the same.

So to give you an idea (not a spoiler), this next collection of songs will be kinda more focused on traveling and emotions that go along with that. At this point in life, travel feels like a natural topic.

prep for travels...

2011-06-11T09:21:00.000+03:00

i finally caved and bought myself some brown combat boots. and a whole lotta other stuff too as a matter of fact.

Dear, Target:

Please stop making clothes so dang cute and affordable. I'm gonna be bankrupt at this rate.

Sincerely,

The girl whose been shopping there for the past week or so.

Yeah, maybe I'm trying to fill a void of some sort here but I'm actually slowly working my way up to a wardrobe that i love fully....instead of partially.
It's my summer project...since I'll be going to Finland in 2 1/2 MONTHS I'm trying to stock up with some cheap clothes because THERE nothin' is cheap.

Next: I need to find a suitcase, or travel pack...imagine that, a girl who loves to travel and she doesn't even own a proper suitcase. pathetic. Oh and did i mention i don't own a decent winter coat...yeah you heard me- and my destination is Finland.

scattered...

2011-06-06T18:39:00.000+03:00

A few thoughts...

I should write more songs.
With a bigger volume to choose from, I can create more variety and become less attached to the few I've written. Hopefully that'll lead to some reforming and revamping of my originals in the studio. And maybe it'll help with my perfectionist syndrome.

I'm like a spec of dust without my friends.
Two of my dear friends flew off to a land far away, which leaves me without a compass to follow. So expect a few weeks of cooky behavior. Then again I still do have a few gems (thank goodness) who will keep me sane over the summer (you know who you are;)

Thinking is the doom of taking action.
Just like the famous statue of the thinking man sitting with his head resting on his fist...did he ever accomplish anything else than just sitting there and thinking? I wanna be known for doing something rather than just for being an exceptional thinker. What's the good in that if none of your ideas are ever executed? Just sayin' I'm sick of my thoughts, expression is essential at this point especially.

creative vacation...

2011-05-05T00:05:00.000+03:00

I am officially free, no more college assignments to suppress my creative potential. I feel like I've been under some zombie spell over the past year honestly, I've barely had time to take care of myself and spend time on hobbies.

Basically my brain has no room to think of basic human needs like eating, sleeping, looking presentable. ... and such while in school. NO MORE! I actually went running last week, ..that might become a habit. I even got my driver's license. Can i get a wOOT WOOT ?!
And now I'm taking a creative vacation, drawing, writing songs, purely just creating which is what I absolutely love ...maybe I'll even paint something!

It worries me a bit that what I love to do is so far from what I'm majoring in...taking care of people is not exactly my calling but it's something I can do.
So what's the right answer here? Would you just get a job that you dont necessarily like or love so you can sustain yourself and hobbies you love? OR would you go for your dreams and make what you love to do your job..(not to mention the insecurity that comes along with this option)?

My mom did mention that nothing is purely fun/easy, all jobs come with that one part (documentation, paper work, tests etc) that you'd rather skip and throw aside. It's true... as much as I hate it, I'm glad my mom offers the realist point of view in the mix of all my dreamy opinions and thoughts.

That's the main mystery for this summer. Hopefully I'll find out what I want to do, or what is the best...(and hopefully financially secure) choice.

SPRING is HERE!

*Songbird*

Spring is comin’ back…

Oh oh I feel the breeze

Hope you feel it too

Oh, oh tinglin’ your toes

........................................................................

[chorus]

Little bird tell me a story

Tweet, tweet about summer days to come

.........................................................................

The flowers open up

Oh oh greeting the day

Hope you see them too

Oh oh, such vibrant colors

...................................................................

[chorus]

..................................................................

Barefoot ‘cross the grass

Oh oh just as a child

Hope you remember too

Oh oh, memories sweet

...............................................................

{bridge}

Sunshine flickering crosst

Our faces painted with love

....................................................................

[chorus]

… little bird tell me a story

SUPRISE suprise...

2011-04-23T21:15:00.000+03:00

Life has been keeping me on my toes and all I can say is that I got my pogo stick ready to jump at any opportunites that come along.

Last night, I'm not sure what happened but i transformed into a confident singer as I played the opening set, despite my worry of having to have it last 30 minutes...which felt more like 15 to me after it was all done. The redundance of my song messages was a bit annoying though, but I think i forgive myself for that tiny mishap.

Singing with The Lower Lights was ...unbeliavable. There are no words to describe it fully. Something amazing happens with that many talented and passionate people on stage at once and I feel so lucky that I got to be a part of it. They all were supportive, welcoming and REAL people which is the highest compliment in my opinion. I took every moment as a learning opportunity, like a sponge absorbing any bits of information and tips to better myself as an artist.

The only thought in my mind afterwards was "i wish it wasn't over, and i hope i can do this again sometime soon." I'm so thankful that I got to be a part of last night, and for the support from friends and family... who knew a gal could have so much luck in store.

And once again, I'm left at a crossroads... decisions decisions. Should I stay or should I go? If only someone could make the decision for me and assure me that this is the right thing to do for now.

ps. Stay tuned for any videos, or pictures from the concert :) Next, I'm ready to tackle the monster project of recording a CD. Can't wait.

so it begins...

2011-04-22T20:36:00.000+03:00

Hello friends...
I can hardly contain my excitement about this concert and therefore I feel the need to promote it till the very last second.

Come to the Lower Lights concert tonight at 7pm.

There's a box with the location and all details on the side------->

It'll be a blast.

(ps. invite all your friends too- kids under 3 get in free)

spring in my step...

2011-04-19T08:12:00.000+03:00

...it's no fun rollin' around on the ground and wallowing in pity- so I magically started writing a song and suddenly the world didn't seem so bad after all. I keep having myself rediscover the obvious cure for my angst- to do things i love frequently amongst the things that are mandatory. A bit frustrating that I can't remember something as simple as that...that's pre-school stuff and I'm in college?

I also had my first *official band* practice with my dear friend, and newly adopted band member...(do two ppl count as a band?) and I can truthfully say I am now even more excited for the concert this Friday. It'll be so fun and a relief to sing out and let the words flow out.

...How did I end up here? Here meaning- my situation, not as in planet Earth. It boggles my mind.. I remember as a kid wanting to be so many things.

At first Pocanhontas- then I realized she wasn't real

Miss Finland- they get to wear pretty dresses and smile a lot

Veterinary Nurse- I didn't want to cut animals open but just pet them and give them food.

D.J.- they're just cool...the end.

Flight Attendant- they have uniforms and get to travel

Yoga Instructor- they get to be all zen without being called dirty hippies

....the list goes on. Out of all the things I just ended up as a dream chaser so far. I'm content that way...takin' on hobbies here and there and moving along finding new interests without huge commitments. Music is just that for me. It can't be forced...pressured...has to just come naturally instigated by pure positivism.

Dream on friends, dream on!..(yes, even all you realists out there).

to do or die...

2011-04-13T09:26:00.000+03:00

I imagined this week different in my head...and it's only Tuesday. I'm battling some serious panic inside because of the huge TO DO list stamped on my forehead. Funny...how it creeps up on you- all the things you've been saving for later are suddenly the most urgent things in your life. Still it gives me little reason to stomp my feet and act like a baby ...which, i assure you, I have been doing.

A few things on my to do or die list:

-I've been playing around with ideas for T-shirts I need to make for all the people who donated to my project on kickstarter. And if I so say so myself, this t-shirt design looks awesome (ill post images later). Next? Sticker designs.

-Whose recording a CD in May? Oh right, I am...better get started on plans for that.

-Math.... ....enough said.

-Vacuum...dishes...the very moment I need to buckle down and get homework out of the way I feel guilt to do chores I've been asked to do a billion times. (I am glad to say i did get half of the house vacuumed at 11 PM)

-There's something on the 22nd....oh yes, its the night I could potentially prove myself or fall flat on my face trying (but no, i really am more stoked than terrified hah). If you haven't gotten your tickets yet- HERE's the magical portal for your convenience :)

All in all- I think everyone is allowed to stomp their feet once in a while. I mean there has to be some release or outlet target (preferrably something with no feelings)- for example I chose to dramatically swipe the curtains around as i entered and exited my back door... only to have my arm end up tangled or the curtain slap my face...guess I deserved that.

boot camp for a wimp...

2011-04-01T09:34:00.000+03:00

So I've decided to force myself to perform more at coffee shops, house concerts, random gatherings- basically stage fright boot camp. I think that way I'll adapt gradually to the stress, and nervousness of performing in front of people. Because when you're nervous, so is the audience...so thats a double whammy.
It's no picnic people.

It seems so ridiculous when i think about it- I mean these are people who support me, love me so why should I be nervous? Maybe just the fact that I could potentially let them down BUT I'm determined to make a joke out of it if that happens...

The other thing is- I get all tangled up with my thoughts and thats when the lyrics don't flow through clearly...and that is the ultimate embarrassment as a singer/songwriter. Makes me want to shrivel up and sneak through the floor cracks so no one can see me. It's easier when you have a "band" or a few assistants/musicians on stage...going SOLO is not for the faint of heart.

Also, this fright frustrates me- i wanna sing, i want to share my songs and sing as loud as i possibly can but there's like a bottle cap stuck in my throat clogging up the potential success. {The best artists are the ones you relate to, the one's who know how to be themselves, be real and personable right on the spot.} So I got a long ways to go before I reach that goal.

This town only has so many cafe's and open mic spots..seems sparse to me :/

If anyone has suggestions as to where to perform please do let me know.

cheese craze...

2011-03-20T08:28:00.000+02:00

I woke up and hilariously enough found my cat, Laku, hissing at the mail man from the window ledge. Thought that was a dog thing but then again when has my cat ever been normal- he eats blueberries and likes my oatmeal cookies.

Boredom hit later on, led me to think of dessert. I went to the store and splurged on cheese- three different kinds actually: cream cheese, goat cheese and mascarpone (saying "mascarpone" outloud makes me feel fancy and sophisticated- try it).
For some reason, I was ok splurging though because I truly cannot put a price on what joy and happiness i get from making amazing things from these ingredients.

So on the menu for today: goat cheese cheesecake and lemon pound cake.

The lemon pound cake was pretty easy, just took FOREVER to come out of the oven. Its the same base ingredients as in the zucchini bread recipe, plus a bit of extra secret spice.

The goat cheese cheesecake, turned out creamy, rich, heavenly scrumptious. I could of eaten the whole bowlful of filling before it even went into the oven...oh soo good.
I got the recipe off the Whole Foods website and only changed the amount of sugar plus the crust. Never really liked Graham cracker crusts..blech!

CRUST:
1/2 c whole wheat pastry flour
1/2 c rolled oats
1/4 salt
5 tbs butter
2 tbs sugar
1-2 tbs water

I'd also like to announce that I am officially on SPRING BREAK!

HOORAY!

rambunctious memories...

2011-03-18T09:36:00.000+02:00

If you haven't been introduced to Mr. Will Fitzsimmons- let me introduce you.
Not only is he my musical therapist but a musically gifted genius.

Listen to his new album HERE.

This playlist has been playin in the background as I've been trying to play out the part of a studious student- studying for mid terms and such. A thought randomly interrupted my trance today-- i miss my nieces, nephews, brothers, sisters...hanging out with my whole fam. That really is all that matters to me, though it might not seem that I'm that close with all 7 of my siblings.

It's tough when all of them have their own families and relationships with siblings fade into the background, only to be sought out on holidays and special occasions. I do feel like I have an "invisible" support system however with me at all times. They're always there to support, offer advice, slap sense into me.

I just miss big gatherings, playing board games past midnight, being loud and rambunctious, competing over whose calf muscle or head is the biggest...haha. Good times.

Though moving away and becoming independent is important, i would pay close attention to appreciating every moment you have with the WHOLE family together.

...between cloud 9 and 10

2011-03-16T04:49:00.000+02:00

My fundraising project is nearing the end...and I gotta say I saw myself reacting differently. I did squirm and hop around a bit in my excitement but this is HUGE. I should be shouting joyously on my roof
*hooray! woHOO! SUCCESS!*..
Maybe it's just that it hasn't hit me yet that I will have actual money in my posession to record a CD! my brain just hasn't caught up with reality. HOWEVER...I'm somewhere in between cloud 9 and 10 and my my the views are gorgeous from up here. Truly breathtaking.

It's a bit surreal for me to be this close to a dream I've had in my head for so long... I mean what do i do now? Hahah i never thought this far into my daydreams.

I'm so lucky to be this close to one, not to mention making it come true... I hope everyone gets to experience this feeling atleast once in life. The anticipation of it all becoming true is beyond fulfilling.

Also, one thing that's proven to be true over and over again during this journey... I can't do it alone. If it weren't for the relentless support and incredible validation from friends, family and random fans - i just might be stuck in a tree day dreaming of what I'll one day do.

ps. is it just me or does every commercial now a days have a ukulele playing in the theme song?

it's foggy...

2011-03-02T07:56:00.000+02:00

You ever wanted to just pack your bags and travel somewhere far to become a better person? So you can come back a better friend, daughter, sister and person overall- because you know the people in your life deserve a better version of you.

Easier said than done. The issue is with the hazy road leading to that better version of you- It's foggy...and frankly we have yet to find a solution to navigating through fog.

Mistakes, friends and helping hands are necessary but I'm talking about the part you travel alone. To me, it's the only way really to find out your potential... the core of who you are or could be.

With all the talk of self discovery and becoming independent you cant help but show selfishness which I hate more than meat loaf. It's impossible to get around it without others trampeling over you, so where's the balance with that?

You show kindness/vulnerability- others belittle you, dont take you as seriously.

You show strength/assertiveness- others fear you, and sometimes retreat away from you.
I guess its just a matter of choosing what you can live with at that moment, what set of pros and cons.
And at the same time day dreaming about realistic solutions to this frustrating conundrum.

flutters...

2011-02-23T10:00:00.000+02:00

It's been a month of imagination and day dreaming for me...

Imagining going back home

places i'll explore the next two years

people i'll meet

when i'll meet "that someone" who completes me (or anyone for that matter)

Daydreaming about a career that i'll love

my very own apartment

truckfulls of ice cream delivered to my door

And mainly just things to come and all the possibilities I have available to me in this beautiful world.

The dangerous thing is that with those hopes come expectations, and with expectations comes the risk of heartbreak or complete bliss. That's why I rather test the waters with adventures with the help of my imagination for now.

ps. 21 days to go and I've got 56% of what I need! Keep tellin' your friends about my project.

Soothing sounds... (:

KICKstarter Fundraising Project

2011-02-15T18:56:00.000+02:00

1, 2, 3 LAUNCH!

Here's the deal- I have 29 days to raise $3,100 in order to record my CD and get it to your doorsteps. In return you get FREE STUFF!
So please spread the word, donate, share the link. I'm counting on you guys. THIS is it!

friends and buddies...

2011-02-14T21:49:00.000+02:00

Valentine's Day is called Friendship Day in Finland- which i prefer over some gushy over romanticized holiday. I remember in middle school giving out valentines for the first time. I took a trip with my sister in law to the store and picked out special cards with Spongebob Squarepants characters on them. And then filled them all out, and gave them to all my friends. I use to watch that show all the time- still do sometimes :)

[here are some cute handmade cards]:

But nothing, i repeat nothing- gives me more satisfaction than to make something with my own hands and give that to someone. That way you can guarantee you'll receive a smile in return, because people notice the effort they are worth to you. One of my favorite things to do is just flip through magazines or Anthropologie catalogues- ripping out pictures that look like fancy pictures you'd see on cards. Man...i'd love to be in the card business.

give someone a hug and something hand made today!

sour and high notes...

2011-02-09T09:41:00.000+02:00

life is slugging on by seems like- all I feel like doin' is throwing away this mundane college routine and planting my bare feet into some mud and doing what i really love- singing, baking, creating, hugging people and sleeping. It's just so dreary sometimes to think that not til after 2 or more yrs I'll be done with college.
Someone forgot to insert the part where we go explore the world.

Enough of that...

I have an opportunity to do a professional recording of one of my songs FREE. yes..completely free. But here's the problem: which one? If you have an opinion- comment below on which song I should use up the free recording on.
It would be another sample, foreshadowing the CD which I'll hopefully record in March- and release before/by summerish. It's a looong process.

I also started drawing up some samples with Annika, the artist, of the CD cover. And am beginning to think of other, better fitting, names for the CD- than just "rain chilled."

But now the main goal is to get my fundraiser project (kickstarter.com) going so I can hopefully get enough money to actually record. I'll be sure to update ;)

and may i present...will fitzsimmons my main music therapist.

connecting the dots...

2011-02-04T21:16:00.000+02:00

its been a while since i've reconnected to what song writing means to me. some of my songs have true feeling (appropriately complex I'd say), and some are purely there to offer happiness and a smile.

Listening to artists such as Adele...makes me think of how strong of a hold music can have on you, how it can wrap itself around your heart like vines. It's unfathomable to me at times- and thats when I get back to the basics and give myself a break by listening to some good quality music...and appreciate what I hear.

That goes for all art. I haven't been fair to myself. I need to start drawing again, even if I know myself to never finish a project or drawing- its still something that offers relief.
Like last night, I started writing a song purely based on the mixed feelings I have about the changes in my life. After...i took a deep breath, letting some of the anxiety float onward. Seep into the words instead of me.

Songs are more than catchy beats and soothing harmonies. . . they're powerful statements of honest emotions

just the chorus alone gives me chills

cloudy thoughts...

2011-02-04T09:08:00.000+02:00

...buried in the midst of math homework and doubts of all the dreams that have been clouding my thoughts...i realized something.

1. I hate math

2. the location doesn't change me or my problems

to elaborate on #2- i've been wondering whether my impulsive decision to move back to Finland has been all due to boredom, thirst for challenge, or a chance to runaway from certain problems and obstacles here.

It's very frustrating- at one point you can't wait to just latch onto the next plane comin your way (hope it takes you to that dreamy place you've always wanted to go) and then you crave that safety you have in a familiar place.

....maybe all i need is a hug to getaway

How do I find out what my motives really are? Am I looking to connect with my family in Finland? Am I just homesick after 7 yrs? So it begins...finding myself through all this muck till i find that crystal clear image that connects all the dots in this flurried frenzy of decisions.

Imma hold off posting to my baking blog untill I actually start pastry school and such.
So...the most effective remedy to a worrisome mind is obviously-

INSTANT CHOCOLATE MOUSSE

3 c mini marshmellows
1 c semi/bitter sweet chocolate
1 c cream
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 c butter
1/4 boiling hot water

the process:
In a pan- melt marshmellows, water, butter, and chocolate (low heat). Meanwhile whisk up some cream with vanilla till thick. Fold together into one glorious mixture of creamy heaven.
ps. i found it a bit hard to eat just by itself (due to the richness) so i suggest spreading it on some cake, or a cookie, ice cream or adding a dollop of jam ;)

sometimes its necessary to see what lyrics fill in the blanks when there's only music

into the twenties...

2011-01-24T09:51:00.000+02:00

bday wishes DO come true. I had a the priviledge of spending the whole DAY with my lovely friends. And it was amazing.

[rough draft summary of my day as a 20 yr old]

Started off with shopping in horrid stormy weather (doesnt scare me! hah)

Next onto delicious fro-yo and cafe-like chattering of boys

Then onto movies and a crabtastic dinner (never had it before and it was delicious!)

And finally some hardcore dancing and another movie to doze off to.

I feel no different, I only find myself thinking of how I'll miss the friends that have become like my family- i truly believe they are lasting and were existant before we came down to this scary earth. People come and go through the door of your life but some have a home in your heart forever. It's true, I believe it. (and it might just be the next song i write ;)

Lastly some photos of my finds for the wardrobe of my dreams and just me- refreshed and now 20 yrs old. (if i had some bday pics id post those too haha)

i call this the trench coat series :)

(we all go a lil crazy with the webcam right?...i definitely do)

shout out to all you wonderful ppl who make an effort to be a friend

snip snip, chop chop...

2011-01-21T10:13:00.000+02:00

oh yea...you heard right.

I finally went completely ballistic and tested my impulsivity to the MAX.

My hair was atleast 5 inches past my shoulders and now ...well lets just say i wont be needin' a brush. (well i will but not as much)

I decided just this week..since its a new year, my birthday soon- it's time to change for the better + i needed to spice up life to get motivated and inspired. And along this journey i keep discovering new things about myself- its quite exciting.

As a dear friend pointed out- my new hair has given me supa powers and with those powers I have conquered my wardrobe by throwing out the clothes that I hardly ever wear. I'm ready to have a wardrobe reflecting who I am instead of random clothes which i settle for.

I recently found the most adorable vintage blue dress on etsy.com and that my friends is the start of my new wardrobe.

Stay and enjoy a few tunes ;)

"not gonna fall down today, instead i'll buckle my knees and sway" :)

if i had skills...

2011-01-16T07:21:00.000+02:00

my awesome dad sent this to me randomly.

if i had some animation skills i would try matchin my music to something similar...fluid expression, the colors, contrasts. Lovely right? Speaking of music videos... I want to take a vote on which of my songs to do a music video on. Since its quite a process maybe 1 or 2 videos only. So if you have a preference take a gander to your right and vote since it is your right as an american or whatever country you happen to be from. :)

(ps. if you're wondering what happened to my recipe posts- check out my baking blog and that's where ill be whippin up a storm for you-...that is if i can get myself out of bed)

delicious happiness...

2011-01-14T08:55:00.000+02:00

what better way to end the week but with ice cream....cookies n' cream ice cream. After eating a half pint...nothing can penetrate this delicious happiness rolling around in my tummy, not even sarcastic comments or criticism from my mother.

I find myself craving a sauna session....I didn't use to like sauna's but what kinda Finn am I if i don't like to go to the sauna? We Finns are hardcore sauna folk- its even considered a competitive sport. Unfortunately when taken too far, your skin will be burned to a crisp or you'll die like this article mentions-BBC.
Frankly, all thoughts have been leading to Finland and other things relating to the country. Am I crazy? Or is this just the fun part of anticipating what is to come.

Do me a favor and have a bite of happiness- get yourself some ice cream and get it ONLY for yourself ;)

(been obsessing over this song as of late)
Four Days Straight by Scattered Trees

under the tree...

2011-01-10T05:31:00.000+02:00

Puun Alla (Under The Tree)

Puun alla katselen

lentäviä tähtiä

Puun alla uneksin

Rakkaudesta ikuisesta

..................................................................

[chorus]

jos voisin kiivetä

korkealle

voisin nähdä kaiken

Ja myös sut

...............................................................

Puun alla ihastuin

Sun hellään katseeseen

Puun alla voin olla

Onnellinen sun kanssa

[chorus]

Puun alla nukuttiin

mun pää sun sylissä

Puun alla rakensit

Meille talon punaisen

[chorus]

Puun alle juoksimme

Karkuun sadepilviä

Puun alla annoit mulle

Suudelman huulille

.................................................

[chorus]

Jos voitais kiivetä

Korkealle

Voitais nähdä kaikki

Myös toisemme

..................................................

train travels...

2011-01-06T07:04:00.000+02:00

I am in the beginning stages of starting two other blogs-
..one for baking specifically (my obstacles as i try opening a business...oh dear) ---> check it out here
and
...the other dedicated to the adventures while i travel across europe.
More specifically by train. If you're not familiar with interrail- check out this site. It is pretty much like backpacking across europe..much cheaper than flying and the way to go for a poor college student such as I. So hopefully I'll find someone just as impulsive as me to join me...because sitting on a train by myself for a month or so doesn't sound that appealing. I can handle Greece alone but not 5 or more countries.

As for baking- my oh so wonderful sister in law found some pastry schools in Finland for me to look at.
Some far and a few very close to Espoo and Helsinki. This whole bakery dream is gonna happen people. I'm telling you, it's gonna happen one way or another...till then I will enjoy the best part of travel- anticipation.

I'm currently reading a book called The Art Of Travel. It suggests that mental/imaginative travel is just as good as, if not better than, actual physical travel to a desired location.
I am all for being content and traveling simply with the help of your imagination but....This is something I have to do because I've outgrown the nest people. It's too small and I'm having issues stretching my wings in this tiny space. It's similar to sitting in the same position too long, and your legs get that weird tingly feeling of numbness. Yeah... no bueno.

And some delicious ...

CHOCOLATE MOUSSE CAKE

CAKE:

1/4 c melted butter
1/3 c flour
1/3 c cocoa powder
4 eggs
2/3 c sugar
1 tsp vanilla
(or just make a brownie for the base)

PREP:
Heat oven to 350. Prep round cake pan w/ butter or Pam.
Mix dry ingredients together. Mix wet ingredients with sugar.
Fold half of dry mix with wet gently, add rest.
Bake for 30 mins. Let cool.

MOUSSE:

10 oz milk chocolate (i used Guittard chocolate chips)
1 1/4 heavy cream
1/8 tsp salt
3 tbs water
(optional)some Nutella :)

PREP:
Melt chocolate in double boiler- add nutella half way through. Remove from heat when smooth. Add water.
Beat cream with salt till it forms soft peaks but is easily pourable. Make sure both mixtures are about the same temperature (otherwise you get some suprise chocolate chips). Fold cream into chocolate.
Spread mousse over cake and let it set for 2-3 hrs in the fridge.

AND enjoy! or make a ganache with left over cream.

"travel song" - pmmp

(some finnish to spice up your day)

10 to 11...quite the change

2011-01-01T23:52:00.000+02:00

I'm approaching 2011 with mixed feelings. I'm awaiting all the upcoming changes, yet again I'm craving for familiarity and the safety that I get from it. I can only think of what 2012 will bring- 2011 is more of a preparation year for things to come for me. Goodbyes, new friends, new goals and dreams...its pretty overwhelming.

So a few things I've learned from 2010 (hopefully they'll carry through 2011)

- You're not the only one with flaws (sometimes others are the problem)

- I'm tired of looking for the 'perfect' guy, from now on he can look for me ( don't try so hard in other words)

- Live life on your own terms, not others

- It's ok to be weak(imperfect) at times

And a few inspirational pictures and quotes to start off 2011 :)

and lastly :)

(ps. all you 80s lovers, this is the ONLY one i like from that time period)

thoughts and camomille tea...

2010-12-28T14:18:00.000+02:00

...im wide awake, sippin' some tea in my bed because I cannot stop my thoughts from runnin wild about the possibilities and new dreams to come. Lately I've been drifting off to a dreamland where I own a bakery in Finland- picturing the furniture, the shapes of the windows and surfaces of counter tops, even regular customers who come to my lil bakery cafe on the corner somewhere downtown. The smell of fresh baked bread and pastries steaming up the frosty windows on cold winter nights, while twinkle lights glimmer in my shop's window. I've fallen in love.

At the same time there's that echoing doubt and fear of the unknown-

...what if?

Worries of not knowing if things will all turn out and you'll be ok.

... I'm over it ...

this dream is too big to be kept bottled up inside till all is safe and sound.

what i've been listenin to while i dream away :)

up on the housetop...

2010-12-24T05:29:00.000+02:00

It's here It's here! Finally it's here and I'm ready.

I wrapped up all presents and even put special bows and decorations on each. Now all I need to do is make a couple delicious christmas foods for my fam gathering. I can't wait to just sit, eat, chill, open presents, sing some carols and probably eat some more.

I've been beggining to lean more and more toward the "old" sounding stuff, I'm talking of times when I wasn't even born and people like Judy Garland, Ella Fitzgerald and Vaughn De Leath (the "ukulele lady") were big stars. Zooey Deschanel is defintiely a modern version of them. Just songs that have a jazzy vibe you know? There's just something fun about it and i love listenin to some of the stuff. So here's me again...
spreadin' some christmas cheer as should you! (:

Merry Christmas!

...bring me back on my feet

2010-12-19T22:55:00.000+02:00

It's been a crazy couple weeks- going up and down with my health being crap and top notch- my mood swinging here and there. It's hard to remember why I'm here at those times but a few beautiful things that I'm lucky to come across bring me back to my feet. . .

and this dreamy song by Mindy Gledhill

dream away friends (: your light will never fade completely.

my not so grown up christmas list...

2010-12-15T03:05:00.000+02:00

time to list some cute gifts that i've been drooling over... (: btw...i am no fashion guru- i just know what i like and what's comfy ;D

Anthropologie $199

ahhh....how i adore sweaters..and lately I have been loving

the assymetrical fad with zippers and button ups

ever since i saw a similar woolen version of this skirt at Urban Outfitters-

my heart has never been whole (definitely regret passing it up)

Anthropologie $32

only appropriate for a baker such as I to be foaming at the mouth

when i see something as adorable as this (tons other cute ones on their website)

Anthropologie $69.95

now this is colorful and looks amazingly comfortable

reminds me of hot chocolate and fuzzy blankets

Urban Outiftters $68

i don't know why but i'm drawn to this backpack

and its sturdy enough for any endeavours and adventures :)

Anthropologie $128

corduroy dress- yup, i got the pants now all i need is the dress

i could ride my bike all day wearin this :)

Yes, they are all a billion dollars but what's the fun in computer screen shopping if you know you can afford it? Anyway- I already bought myself the ultimate xmas present this season.......badadda DAm bum bam bam

A HOME RECORDING KIT

complete with mic, pop filter, recording program, mic stand and a travel case

I know im crazy but, it made me as happy as my twinkle lights which i put up in my room yesterday. I mean, I AM EXTATIC.

I love Pomplamoose- the name means pomegranate in french (yum!)

(sadly they didn't have a "non commercial" version of this on youtube)

lil christmas...

2010-12-12T02:42:00.000+02:00

I've been telling myself I'm gonna study this whole day and not until about five did I start "studying" and looky here I'm already distracted and blogging. For a good reason...My brain needs a cool down because it seems to think its already on holiday break. Stay in school kids.

So along with my own christmas traditions, i'm having my own lil christmas in my room with christmas lights, holiday movies and snack galore. Sadly, I still don't have christmas lights up in my room- so i need to get on that ASAP..maybe Target will have some for cheap or Amazon. Suggestions?
Twinkle lights just automatically bring some magical bling and shine to any occasion. They are a necessity if you ask me.

and after much procrastination ...i finally settled down to do a lil christmas tune as a present for everyone..well the real present is at the end.

i dont go to starbucks but I DO quite like this commercial..music n all

snow white buildings and scooters...

2010-12-10T09:20:00.000+02:00

yes. I was serious about my travel blog post. I biked over to the library and spent a good hour surfing through the travel book section and found some gems with pictures of GREECE. I even came across a book called Travel Therapy- sign me up! Greece is my first destination once I begin my year of traveling in 2012. And I have begun my plans, in order to make this trip as budget friendly as possible. That means couch surfing my way through Greece.
I'll most likely be going to a few of the Cyclades (islands)-

-Naxos (eat some local deliciousness and ride a lil scooter through the narrow streets)
-Mykonos (eat fruit and walk on the beach)

-Santorini (famous for the white buildings along the cliff)

and those are just a few things that those islands have to offer. Though I don't exactly have all details worked out (i have a whole year to figure it out) i feel invigorated- who knew planning trips was so fun!
I feel like a whole new world just opened up because I opened up my lil box of old and familiar things and realized its time to collect a few new memories. I'm emerging from this goopy, murky puddle and ready for the open sea..so to speak. Not to say I don't like my life but sometimes you just outgrow your shoes and in this case I've outgrown my attitude on life.

and of course...a christmas song in greek (:

and american just for familiarity's sake ;)

ps...my plans might change, go wrong or just fail.. but its always good to have a 'start up plan' - a lil something i learned in my entrepreneurship class

finglish...

2010-12-10T07:22:00.000+02:00

So I have been trying to work on some finnish songs since songs in english seem to just pop out so easily. i need to challenge myself....its hard. Im sad to admit it but yes its easier to write in english.
I couldn't resist starting a christmas song in english though so just know it will most likely include woodland creatures and the things that go on in the woods during christmas time (: get excited.

I mean..who WOULDN'T wanna listen to a cute song about lil woodland animals putting up decorations and ice skating along to acoustic christmas music accompanied by pinecone rattles and tree stump drums?

Just need to find an appropriate set of chords..and beat- in other words its in the beginning stages of the beginning- an idea worth executing. yes?

I made pie (: a lil past season since i was suppose to make it for thanksgiving but christmas is a holiday so it all works out.

CHOCOLATE PIE

2 1/2 c milk
5 oz semisweet chocolate
4 egg yolks
3/4 c sugar
3 tbs. cornstarch
1/4 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
1 cookie crumb crust (or click for my whole wheat pastry crust recipe)
whipped cream
chocolate curls (: if you wanna get all fancy and snooty on ppl haha

place chocolate and milk in saucepan and heat up while whisking till chocolate melts.
whisk egg yolks + sugar till pale, then add salt, cornstarch and vanilla.
pour hot milk mix into egg and sugar mix slowly while whisking.
return mix to saucepan and heat up to a low boil for 6-8 minutes till thickened.
place into pie crust and let it set in the fridge for 2-3 hours.
(not exactly a low maintenance recipe but thats how pies always are : / )

ahh the weepies (:

...im taking flight

2010-12-05T19:47:00.000+02:00

...airports are definitely a place that i adore- as odd as it sounds. It's just the amazing possibilities that surround that place- I can fly anywhere I want from that spot. Airports are full of different cultures, nationalitites, languages...it baffles me honestly. I even like the lil meals airplanes serve, and the movies, brochures tucked into the seats..the smells. Airports are an idyllic environment for people watching might i add.
There are so many beautiful places in the world, and sometimes I forget cuz I'm stuck in my own lil bubble.

...lately been on my mind...

Finishing my bachelor's is something that I want, but the idea of flying off to Finland and deciding one day that maybe I don't wanna finish, maybe I wanna work and spend some time where I grew up and maybe go on a trip around europe for a while.
Go off the g r i d, be unpredictable, find a new side of me that's been hiding out till the right moment.
I'm dreaming big... and it scares, but at the same time I have this built up energy surrounding me- ready to pounce on any opportunities that come down my BuMpY road.
I find myself thinking- what about all my stuff or this thing..i want this and this with me. That's the problem. What you actually can and can't live without. Good question but one I'm still pondering...

What you do now, how you decide to live, what you experience will define who you become as an individual...thats my impression. And I'm dreaming of the day I get to experience at least a glimpse of that.
Jump off the cliff just like Pocahontas ;) (she's been my hero since 5 yrs old though i do not approve of john smith..blech)

unique but still beautiful

...scoop me up (like ice cream)

2010-12-04T22:58:00.000+02:00

Remember the story of how we met?

I was a free spirit, who wore silly hats

You were a shy guy, academically confident

Wonder how we ever ended up together

[chorus]

......................................................................................
You scoop me up like chocolate ice cream

Melt me down to a puddle of romance

Unexpected but all the more dreamy

I can’t wait to grow old hand in hand

.......................................................................................

Burnt some cookies ‘cause of you again

I couldn’t stop thinking bout that sneaky smile of yours

Drove me nuts with your quirkyness

If only I could jar you up and store you in my treasure chest

[chorus]

Unchartered waters, I dated boys who wore jeans

But you stole my heart with your corduroy pants

Sweater vest, and snow white converse

Who could resist such a smart lookin’ guy?

[chorus]

You climbed up a tree, just to hand me a flower

From that moment on we became best friends

My cuddle buddy, extra large comforter

What would I do without your heartfelt hugs?

{bridge}

That’s the story, we can tell our kids
Give them dreams of happy endings

[chorus]
…I can’t wait to grow old hand in hand

favorites a la mode...

2010-12-03T21:56:00.000+02:00

i've made up a few personal christmas traditions for myself- absolutes during the holidays.

I always watch:
The Family Stone
The Family Man
Elf
A Christmas Story

various other christmasy cartoons

I always eat:
ice cream (under a blanket...)-yes. even when its cold.
tuna salad (which i make)
finnish plum pastries
karjalanpiirakka

I always decorate with:
a REAL christmas tree (i hate fake christmas trees, except the tiny ones)
twinkle lights in my room
christmas hat on my head

I always sing:
finnish christmas songs
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
White Christmas

I always go:

shopping

ice skating

caroling (just around my house)

its fun, i've got my own routine that I'm responsible for and no one can change it since its just special to me. Makes my christmas even more special (:

What are some of your traditions?!

(ps. im singing this with miss morrows tonight- so you better come;)

tv wonderland...

2010-12-01T09:30:00.000+02:00

yes...i admit it. I sunk into TV hybernation mode the minute i got this ghastly cold. Being sick and tv go together like pb & j- im stuck at my house so why not isolate myself more from anything social? Perfect.
But honestly, it's made me think- what in the world is this info good for? I've been watching Prison Break- and i HIGHLY doubt i will be needing specifics on how to break into buildings and stabbing people in the back.
Then again there's something comforting about sinking into a tv show, having those characters be the only thing on your mind without a thread of reality to break the daydream.
Unhealthy really, but its the way it is.
So this week starts my reintroduction to society and realistic life...scary thought. Then again refreshing, in case you were wondering..yes I am on season 4 already.

however....ITS DECEMBER.
And time for me to get christmasy and cheery so I can spread some happiness. I'm an elf during the holidays- sprinkling laughs and smiles here and there. What better gift is there?
The snow (or powdered sugar as i like to think of it) has brought up my spirits to an all time high, makes this time officially magical so im ready to pounce on any grumps on the street.
Beware ;)

one of my favorites in finnish

change of heart...

2010-11-22T23:11:00.000+02:00

i decided to change my album cover to something more whimsical, fun and bright...

(the letters are a bit hard to see- maybe i did that on purpose :)
So my album will look something like that, maybe not exactly but you get the idea.
Randomly one day i was thinking about how I love birch trees, and looked up some pictures...They remind me of Finland, so its only fitting that they'll be featured on my album cover. In case you haven't noticed, I'm a proud Finn ;)
I cannot wait for the concert- I've already purchased two instruments to go along with my new song and maybe other ones too. SO YOU BETTER COME!

stuck in a lil pond...

2010-11-21T11:20:00.000+02:00

...lately I've been getting this urge to just jump for it and get everything done at once, which is impossible. The annoying thing is that I have all these other things to get done before I can even begin on my journey to record songs and release a CD. It's a growing checklist, while im the size of an ant the list stands tall like Goliath in front of me taunting and teasing while I try conquering one thing at a time.
I feel like I see the potential for the big picture, yet im stuck in this lil pond till I learn how to swim out to sea.

I'm trying to keep my lil hobbie of casually singing and playing the ukulele just a side thing, something I enjoy rather than what I stress about but I'm afraid it'll slowly become my main worry as the days go by and I'm scrambling to find balance in enjoyment and productivity.
Wish me luck :)

This Little Light of Mine from The Lower Lights on Vimeo.

check out more The Lower Lights songs here.

get excited...

2010-11-20T23:14:00.000+02:00

Spread the word, and come if you're in town!

nothing better than...

2010-11-15T23:24:00.000+02:00

A baking book, ALL MINE, crips and new sent to me all the way from Finland. With over 50 recipes im pretty sure. And of course chocolate and candy from my homeland...ah man perfect combo

Feast your eyes- ain't it beautiful?

This book adds to my baking book library of two. WOHOO! (plus the 10 I've been constantly renting from the library)

So I might as well call this my Homemade Happiness project and start baking through this lovely book of awesomness with its scrumptious pastries, crunchy bread and decadent cakes..I'm in heaven.

Raspberry Cobbler

(or slip in any other of your favorite berries :)

4 tbs butter
1 c or less sugar
1 c flour
1 tsp baking soda (if flour isnt self rising)
1 c milk
1 tsp vanilla
1 pkg (2 cups) frozen raspberries (strain from any extra liquid)

mix all that together adding the butter last. pour into a buttered up baking dish. place raspberries on top of the mix evenly (honestly i just kinda threw em in there). sprinkle a bit more sweetness on top if you want and pop it in the oven at 350 for 1 hour. (: Enjoy with some whipped up cream or even better- ice cream.

next time ill share a bit of happiness from the book :)

(seems that Peter Pan is a popular subject for songs these days...)

never grow up like...

2010-11-14T09:43:00.000+02:00

...PETER PAN...

Cruisin’ around town on my vintage bike

One of those sunny days, with bluebirds n’ all

Couples holding hands, snuggling under tree shades

I got my blue dress on and know its gonna be a good day

[chorus]

..................................................................

I got no worries today

I hold the world in my palm

Simply, whisper these words to your darling

We only have today who knows about tomorrow?

..................................................................

I see children dancing in the creek

Think back to the time I was their age

I feel just as young, im just wearing grown up clothes

Nothing can take away my skills to fly like peter pan
[chorus]

I only have one mission to share

No matter what the case, you and I can strive for joy

Throw away your sorrows, for better days
Think of the times you had playin as a kid
[chorus]

Sing along with memories of summers past

Intertwine your mind with pieces of daydreams

Collect the rays of sunshine (from the sky)

Bottle it up and save it for a rainy day

[chorus]

ps. still workin on some enhancements for an awesome video :)